Dramatis Personae
As originally acted at Drury-Lane Theatre, May 8, 1777.
Sir Peter Teazle—Mr. King
Sir Oliver Surface—Mr. Yates
Sir Harry Bumper—Mr. Gawdry
Sir Benjamin Backbite—Mr. Dodd
Joseph Surface—Mr. Palmer
Charles Surface—Mr. Smith
Careless—Mr. Farren
Snake—Mr. Packer
Crabtree—Mr. Parsons
Rowley—Mr. Aikin
Moses—Mr. Baddeley
Trip—Mr. Lamash.
Lady Teazle—Mrs. Abington
Lady Sneerwell—Miss Sherry
Mrs. Candour—Miss Pope
Maria—Miss Hopkins
Gentlemen, Maid and Servants.
Scene—London.
School for Scandal
School for Scandal
Prologue
Prologue
Written by Mr. Garrick
A School for Scandal! tell me, I beseech you,
Needs there a school this modish art to teach you?
No need of lessons now, the knowing think;
We might as well be taught to eat and drink.
Caused by a dearth of scandal, should the vapours
Distress our fair ones—let them read the papers;
Their powerful mixtures such disorders hit;
Crave what you will—there’s quantum sufficit.
“Lord!” cries my Lady Wormwood (who loves tattle,
And puts much salt and pepper in her prattle),
Just risen at noon, all night at cards when threshing
Strong tea and scandal—“Bless me, how refreshing!
Give me the papers, Lisp—how bold and free! Sips.
Last night Lord L. sips was caught with Lady D.
For aching heads what charming sal volatile! Sips.
If Mrs. B. will still continue flirting,
We hope she’ll draw, or we’ll undraw the curtain.
Fine satire, poz—in public all abuse it,
But, by ourselves Sips, our praise we can’t refuse it.
Now, Lisp, read you—there, at that dash and star:”
“Yes, ma’am—A certain lord had best beware,
Who lives not twenty miles from Grosvenor Square;
For, should he Lady W. find willing,
Wormwood is bitter”—“Oh! that’s me! the villain!
Throw it behind the fire, and never more
Let that vile paper come within my door.”
Thus at our friends we laugh, who feel the dart;
To reach our feelings, we ourselves must smart.
Is our young bard so young, to think that he
Can stop the full spring-tide of calumny?
Knows he the world so little, and its trade?
Alas! the devil’s sooner raised than laid.
So strong, so swift, the monster there’s no gagging:
Cut Scandal’s head off, still the tongue is wagging.
Proud of your smiles once lavishly bestow’d,
Again our young Don Quixote takes the road;
To show his gratitude he draws his pen,
And seeks his hydra, Scandal, in his den.
For your applause all perils he would through—
He’ll fight—that’s write—a cavalliero true,
Till every drop of blood—that’s ink—is spilt for you.
Act I
Act I
Scene I
Lady Sneerwell’s dressing-room
Lady Sneerwell discovered at her dressing table; Snake drinking chocolate.
Scene II
A room in Sir Peter Teazle’s house.
Act II
Act II
Scene I
A room in Sir Peter Teazle’s house
Scene II
A room in Lady Sneerwell’s house.
But, ladies, you should be acquainted with the circumstance. You must know that one day last week, as Lady Betty Curricle was taking the dust in Hyde Park, in a sort of duodecimo phaeton, she desired me to write some verses on her ponies; upon which, I took out my pocketbook, and in one moment produced the following:—
Sure never was seen two such beautiful ponies;
Other horses are clowns, but these macaronies:
To give them this title I’m sure can’t be wrong,
Their legs are so slim and their tails are so long.7
Scene III
A room in Sir Peter Teazle’s house.
Act III
Act III
Scene I
A room in Sir Peter Teazle’s house.